When the floor falls out

Honestly so disheartened towards love.

I just recently returned to my home from a friend’s beautiful wedding weekend. She is a babe in every sense of the word, and her, now, husband is a handsome, sweet, genuine fellow. I went through the weekend all smiles, and I could not be happier for her as they are both such ecstatic lovers of life and also fairy-tale-perfect for each other. But then I reached the plane as I depart to return to where I came from, and I had to fight back tears. All of the other single girls-even some of the none-single ones- seemed to be catching the attention of the guys or were such good friends with each other that they could hang and be satisfied with that. I went to the after parties and flirted along without any expectations, and I received nothing. I know that this should not be a measure of my value, but when I feel so terribly unwanted, I have no choice but to collapse after all the air and hope has left my lungs.

These thoughts leave eventually, and I return to a neutral state, but they do linger just below the surface, waiting for a vulnerable moment to rise up and blind me to all the hope I so desperately need.

It is getting very difficult for me to maintain a positive view of myself and all that I am when I am met with blatant indifference in most social settings. I sense it while it’s going on, a numb feeling of being overlooked, like merely the shadow of a person who used to exist.

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